ZGram - 10/14/2003 - Prisoner of Conscience Letter # 14

[zgrams at zgrams.zundelsite.org]

Zgram - Where Truth is Destiny:  Now more than ever!

October 14, 2003

Good Morning from the Zundelsite:

Typing excerpts of Ernst's letters each day for the new Prisoner of 
Conscience Series takes a great deal of time I don't have - yet I 
believe that it is necessary for my Zgram readers to "hear" Ernst in 
his genuine voice.  Whenever I am short on time, therefore, I will do 
a "re-run" from our monthly Power letters (print version) that go 
only to regular supporters. 

By the way, would you please double-check if you got Letters # 6 and 
7?  I will re-send if there was a computer quirk.  Some of you have 
complained.

This one below consists of various excerpts from the early weeks of 
incarceration, where Ernst talks to me:

[START]

"Š Believe me, I never set out to get involved in the sick, perverted 
mind games of this Auswurf der Menschheit [poorly translated would be 
"phlegm of humanity"] I reiterate what I said to you so often, so 
plaintively: "Ingrid, I hope with all my heart that things in America 
will work out better than they did in Canada, where the media had 
decades to poison the well against me.  Remember the time on our own, 
beautiful mountain top, sitting on our bench when I said over and 
over again: "This is like a dream"- a dream come true!" Remember how 
you found it difficult to tear me away from that place and how we 
staggered down the hill in the dark, tripping over branches and tree 
trunks.  I am glad for every minute, every second, Ingrid, that we 
shared that heavenly beauty of that incredible place - sitting there 
as the sun sank over the Smoky Mountains in those surreal, beautiful 
sunsets!  I will treasure those moments forever and ever!  What a 
place - that we should have found it in our middle sixties when other 
people think they are over the hill - and when you and I, uplifted 
and spurred on by America's promise, made such plans - only to see 
them smashed into thousands of smithereens by an unknown bureaucrat, 
using as a fig leaf for his evil deed that we did not come to an 
immigration hearing!  Banning a man to be with his wife for the next 
20 years - and threatening me with 20 years of imprisonment and a 
fine of US$250,000.-  if I should try to sneak into the US to be with 
you!Š"


"Š What an incredible karma the two of us share!  It is surreal! 
When I step back and look at our lives - first your incredible 
wartime suffering, that horrible trek, the loss of your father, the 
battle for Berlin, and those horrific postwar years in Germany, with 
all the hunger, cold, uncertainty - what tremendous reserves our 
German people came endowed with, when you think of it, compared to an 
ordinary American or Canadian life.  Think of the contrast for a 
minute with the women of your birth year, born here!  Born to 
centrally heated houses, electric lights, lots to eat, toast and jam 
or hot porridge for breakfast, two helpings if they wanted, a warm 
bath, a nice cuddly bed, good shoes to keep them dry, jumpsuits to 
keep them warm, a doctor or a dentist a phone call away if there was 
a problem, enough books, papers, crayons, pencils, nice safe 
neighborhoods go grow up in, no air raid sirens wailing at night, no 
bombs exploding, no houses burning, no women being raped by marauding 
conquerors - what in God's name do these mollycoddled, spoiled people 
know about life?  Nothing!  Absolutely 100% nothing!

"This fact really hit home with me in jail.  There is a gulf that 
separates us from them that cannot be bridged by words.  Even words 
need to be comprehended by knowing them attached to life experiences, 
to give them initial meaning, to supply a context.  This continent 
does not have that context.  We are like Martians to Earthlings. 
Worlds apart!Š"


"ŠGreetings from inside the New World Order Gulag Archipelago. 
Interesting that I should be one of the first candidates to 
experience it up close in real life.  It is just about what Alex 
Jones from infowars.com describes it.  Not pretty!  Scary!  And very, 
very sad.  Such a beautiful planet, and such a continent of wealth 
and promiseŠ"

  "ŠNow that I am cut off almost completely from my advisors, from 
feedback, from the world at large, I am beginning to comprehend and 
expand on the phrase:  "It's lonely at the top."  It is also lonely 
at the bottom. I am faced with decisions which will have an impact on 
your and my life for the rest of our physical existence.  Thus I turn 
every aspect, every angle, every move over dozens, if not hundreds, 
of times before I make a decision based at best on only partial 
information - only to have my carefully thought-out plans sabotaged 
and devastated by mechanics of the law who simply walk away and leave 
a man to his fateŠ"

"ŠSome of my writing is sometimes hard to decipher, I know.  Only two 
of my cells have had a metal stool mounted to the cement floor, and a 
"table", actually a metal tray, bolted to the wall.  The rest of the 
time I sit at the edge of my metal bed, crouched over, writing in 
uncomfortable positions, getting cramps, shifting around, trying 
another spot.  The same is true for eating.  It really is a weird 
existence.  The new cell does not even have a stainless steel mirror 
yet.  It is brightly painted, almost as light as a hospital operating 
room. I can now see what I draw.  I have already made over 20 layouts 
for paintings I will do for the gallery, as soon as I can lay my 
hands on some canvasses and paints, wherever that may be..."

"ŠThere have been two continued Detention Review Hearings by an 
immigration adjudicator.  Each time bail was refused, as was release, 
because Canada's civilian spy agency says that Ernst "may" represent 
a danger to Canada because of people he knew who "might" use violence 
in the furtherance of their political goals.  Not that Ernst would - 
that some of those people "might"!  42 years of perfectly 
law-abiding, peaceful conduct amounts to nothing!  "May" or "might" 
or "could"!  Rubber-stretch words can keep a man incarcerated in 
Canada on the mere "concerns" registered by an anonymous bureaucrat 
in a spy agency!Š"

  "ŠSo far I have sent you 11 letters.  I'll cut down on them as soon 
as things have stabilized and we have established a new routine. I 
can foresee a still longer stay in jail and no granting of bail 
because of that damned CSIS accusation.  I want to get this over 
with, and I am rearing for a showdown with them, however unequal the 
fight is going to be.  I have had enough.  I want to get on with my 
life.  I want to fight this out while there is still some residual 
energy of the "Project 200" magic in meŠ"  (Ingrid's comment:  This 
is a private joke between us, pertaining to a special 
health-and-rejuvenation program we've been on where we used to tell 
each other jokingly that we intended to live 200 years to finish the 
job for which we were put on this earth!)

"Š I want to have a firm timeline.  I would suggest a swift, focused, 
tough, take-no-more-bull type of lawsuit, so I can get on with my 
life, in freedom or in jail, here or in Germany.  I want to have a 
firm timeline.  I want to be able to set goals the way I always have 
and always willŠ"

"ŠI was resting on my cement slab bed, thinking about our fate.  I 
reread that beautifully assembled chronology turned over to me.  If 
anybody who is fair looks at that, the utter corruption and nastiness 
of the INS is glaringly apparentŠ"

  "ŠI am now the closest to the treatment Rudolf Hess, my hero and 
role model, got.  I am locked in 24 hours a day.  10 minutes walk in 
the fresh air, weather permitting.  10 minutes shower and phone time. 
That's it.  No newspapers.  No parcels permitted from friends or 
relatives that might contain books.   No ball point pens, only pencil 
stubsŠ"

"ŠI am once again in a new cell.  New guards, new personalities.  It 
is always an adjustment, and some of the guards, it is clear, are 
influenced by what they read in the papers.  You can hear it in their 
comments.  Generally, there is an aloofness and, I am afraid, very 
little understanding and an appalling lack of curiosity about life, 
history, society. I am astounded how far these people, our racial 
brothers and kinsmen, have strayed from their roots, their heritage. 
So much has been lost, never to be recovered - lost to modernity.  It 
is sad.  Very sadŠ"

"ŠNow you even have to do all that additional work with the printing, 
folding, stuffing, mailing etc.  I know how hard you worked before - 
now it must be a regular treadmill and nightmare for you!  And I, 
your husband and friend, pace in my cell, around and around, 
wondering how I could take some of the load off your shoulders.  Were 
I free, I could write letters, make phone calls, increase my 
productive output had I paint brushes and canvass-- but as it stands 
now, with that lying bunch of Marxists Trudeau put in high places in 
CSIS, I am severely handicapped in my optionsŠ"

"ŠWith this constant media hype that I am a "security threat", there 
will not likely be a judge in all of Canada courageous enough to swim 
against this Niagara-Falls-like torrent of abuse and vilification. 
Quite seriously, were I a judge in Canada with kids to put through 
university, I am not sure I would be too quick to give a man like me 
[some leeway], with the horrible stuff they are saying about me and 
people whose company I allegedly kept.  Why should a normal, ordinary 
Canadian judge, who does not understand the deeper historical and 
political issues involved, risk his career and reputation for an 
oddball and an outcast like me?  I am realistic, Ingrid!Š"

"Š I was thinking and reflecting on this odd situation in Blount 
County Jail - you could be punished if you chose to stay on your bed 
in your cell during lock-out.  This meant I had to walk and talk, 
watch, sit, play chess, sketch with others in the same-"commons" 
area.  I actually hated that more than being locked up in my cell. 
As perverse as it sounds, I could not wait to get into my cell fast 
enough and hear the automatic lock click in.  Now I had a place, now 
I could think, meditate, mentally communicate with you.  And I could 
write you and work on those drawings that now, you tell me, sell and 
make a little money to pay for those horrifically expensive legal 
fees and the peripheral extra expensesŠ"

"ŠI constantly worry about this, about money.  I am tempted to not 
fight on and simply surrender to the overwhelming forces arrayed 
against us by allowing the Germans to get me, put me in jail for five 
years.  It has crossed my mind - I wouldn't be jerked around and 
kicked around any longer.  But then I think of all those thousands 
and thousands of people who have saved their pennies, who went 
without luxuries in order to pay for Leuchter's research, his trip, 
my many and arduous trials.  So whenever I have a weak moment and 
wonder if I have a right to spend all that sacrificial money to pay 
those expensive lawyers to help me regain my freedom so I can 
continue to serve those who have made me what I have become, I 
conclude that my role is not yet over.  There is still unfinished 
business to be settled.  Der Kampf geht weiter!  The struggle will go 
on!Š"

[END]