ZGram - October 22, 2003 - Prisoner of Conscience Letter # 22

zgrams at zgrams.zundelsite.org zgrams at zgrams.zundelsite.org
Wed Oct 22 05:37:56 EDT 2003




Zgram - Where Truth is Destiny:  Now more than ever!

October 22, 2003

Good Morning from the Zundelsite:

I continue with snippets of Zundel Letters to friends - and to me. 
Again, keep in mind that this was written about four months ago:

[START]

"... I hope you will not be offended, but we are only allowed to use 
pencils in prison, and I am using up my softer German-made art 
pencils in order that you can decipher my handwriting a bit better. 
I am using up my German pencils at a frightening rate, $1.85 one 
pencil.  There is the additional problem of getting them sharpened by 
the guards, who hate the job, it seems - and I can understand and 
empathize with them.  They are big, rough, tough prison guards, and I 
come to them like a little boy holding up a fistful of pencil stubs 
through my feeding slot in the big metal door, and beg them: 
"Please, could you sharpen my pencils, (Daddy)?  That's how I feel 
when I have to ask.  Usually the kind and understanding Security 
Chiefs come to my rescue and take me up to the area where this 
instrument of my longing is mounted at a wall.  These high-powered 
men, executive/officer types, sit there patiently while Canada's most 
reviled man sharpens his 15 pencils!  I feel so embarrassed that I 
often wait 3-4 days before I can pluck up the courage to ask if they 
can once again help me!

"... I am sure that the higher-ups will take another look at my/our 
situation and come to realize that I am no threat to them or other 
prisoners or the institution.  Already I have been reassigned to a 
cell with a window where I can see blue sky and the sun for the first 
time in three months.  I have been allowed to keep all my court 
documents in my cell.  The first time in almost four months there is 
a corner table and a shelf for my books and transcripts.  I am 
allowed access to the phone.  True, it wastes the time of two guards 
and an officer, all of whom have more important work to do then 
listening to me telling my wife that I love her and miss her and that 
I would rather be in Tennessee painting than in solitary confinement 
in Toronto.  I see it in their expressions, in their faces.  They 
have to follow their orders and sit there.  I know there is not one 
who would not rather be somewhere else.  So we share like Siamese 
Twins a fate, kind of stuck together - till somebody higher up 
decides:  Enough waste of manpower!  We have better things to do!..."

"... Now I can see sky, and this morning a stab of sunlight is 
falling on my table and the papers on it, and is reflected on the 
floor.  I spent three months in Thorold in windowless cells, not 
knowing when it was day or night, often not knowing what day of the 
week it was.  I made myself a homemade calendar, which at least tells 
me when my next court date is going to be and helps me keep track 
sending out letters.  Some of the important ones  never get delivered 
to Ingrid.  Obviously, someone on the outside, not in here, is 
messing with my mail..."

"... You will see blue-stemmed Lilies because the green pencils 
simply wear out too quickly and they break so easily that I simply 
have to send you once in a while fantasy-flowers to use up some of 
the other colors.  Next week, hopefully, I will get my large 
envelopes from the canteen.  Then I will send you some very nice, 
lovingly and carefully done designs..."

"... I am being treated correctly.  Things have improved, especially 
with the new cell.  The institution has installed a new phone system, 
and the guards are getting used to it.  I usually have to ask several 
times to be given access to the phone, but that is human failing, not 
a policy.  I do not think that at all.  Also, the guards rarely come 
into my cell.  All the checking so done through a window, and it is 
not a disturbance.  At night, the light in my cell is on but 
bearable.  The food is not qualitatively or quantitatively as 
plentiful or varied as in Thorold, but I am not spoiled.  I was 
hungry for so many years after the war - this is vastly better than 
what I was used to as a kid or teenager..." 

"... I am doing fine.  Of course I miss being with you and all our 
flowers, all the magnificent vistas, the smells, the butterflies 
sailing by, the birds - and, of course, dropping by at the gallery 
and painting up a storm.  We will have a lot of catching up to do! 
..."

"...I appreciate you sending me that horribly expensive "Little 
Orphan Annie", the Hobo cartoon book.  I knew of the phenomenal 
success of those series but had actually never seen what it looked 
like.  All I can say is this:  Look at how simple the storylines are 
and how unsophisticated the drawing!  The populace of America surely 
could not have been very sophisticated or spoiled by intellectual 
fare - no wonder they were willing to kill their brothers in Europe 
so easily at the Jewish propagandists' instigation in two world wars 
- and once again be lied into a war in Iraq so easily! 

"... I write to all who are mentioned in the accusations to get 
affidavits, news clippings, background etc. to see how they disposed 
of their cases.  I ask them what's true, what's false - and that's 
it!  There really is not that much more that I can do..."

"... There are legal steps that I am undertaking, but all these court 
actions and lawyers are terribly costly.  Thus I must be prudent on 
the financial expenditure side, for my enemies always wanted to bleed 
me dry.  Many of my best donors, Germans of the World War II 
generation, have died.  Thus it is no longer like in the 1980s.  I 
knew that then.  I knew it all along.  There is only so much one 
person and his friends can achieve in a lifetime. 

"Š I have succeeded in large measure through friends like you - more 
than I ever dared to dream possible.  Inside my heart and soul I am 
calm, not resigned.  I am combative as always, but eerily calm, like 
a man who instinctively perceives that something big, mysterious, not 
yet complete is being worked out in the cosmos.  I await the results, 
matter-of-factly, whatever they may be.  You might say that I am a 
man who has conquered his last fears.  That's a nice state to have 
arrived at!Š"

"Š I feel privileged to have had a life and career like mine.  It was 
interesting up to this point in time, and I have a feeling that one 
or two of my legal initiatives will bring changes, which in time may 
well astonish friend and foe, for I am still Ernst Zündel!Š"

[END]





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