Somebody wrote to me a week or so ago:
"Christianity is the religion of 86 percent of the American people. In a demographic sense, America is more Christian than Israel is Jewish. Try to imagine no signs of Purim or Passover in Jerusalem, or a Saudi Arabia where Ramadan is barely mentioned."
This Christmas story below needs a bit of literary finesse in terms of setting, dialogue and plot, but it does make a point about our society where every cultural aspect identifying our tradition seems to be under attack.
Against that backdrop, read this somewhat clumsy parable around the Birth of Christ that came to me over the Internet in several different versions:
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee to Joseph who happened to be strolling by. "Angels are widely regarded as religious symbols. And the stable is on public property where such symbols are not allowed to land or even hover.
"Is that so?" Joseph said, a bit confused.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," the Pharisee added sternly. "That's a no-no, too."
Joseph, striving to please, had a bright idea.
"What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass? I am eager to avoid sectarian strife."
"That would definitely help," said the Pharisee, who knew as well as anyone that whenever a Savior appeared, judges usually liked to be on the safe side and surround it with woodland creatures of some sort. "Just to clinch it, I'll throw in a candy cane and a couple of elves and snowmen, too," offered Joseph. "No court can resist that." Mary piped in at this point: What does my son's birth have to do with snowmen?" "Snowpersons," cried a young woman, changing the subject before it veered dangerously toward religion. Off to the side of the crowd, a Philistine was painting the Nativity scene. Mary complained that she and Joseph looked too tattered and worn in the picture. "Artistic license," he said. "I've got to show the plight of the haggard homeless in a greedy, uncaring society in winter," "We're not haggard or homeless. The inn was just full," protested Mary. "Whatever," said the painter. Two women began to argue fiercely. One said she objected to Jesus' birth "because it privileged motherhood."
The other scoffed at virgin births, but said that if they encouraged more attention to diversity in family forms and the rights of single mothers, well, then, she was all for them.
"I'm not a single mother," Mary started to say, but she was cut off by a third woman who insisted that swaddling clothes are a form of child abuse, since they restrict the natural movement of babies.
With the arrival of 10 child advocates, all trained to spot infant abuse and manger rash, Mary and Joseph were pushed to the edge of the crowd, where arguments were breaking out over how many reindeer (or what mix of reindeer and seasonal spirits) had to be installed to compensate for the infant's unfortunate religious character.
An older man bustled up, bowling over two merchants, who had been busy debating whether an elf is the same as a fairy and whether the elf/fairy should be shaking hands with Jesus in the crib or merely standing to the side, jumping around like a sports mascot.
"I'd hold off on the reindeer," the man said, explaining that the use of asses and oxen as picturesque backdrops for Nativity scenes carries the subliminal message of human dominance. He passed out two leaflets, one denouncing manger births as invasions of animal space, arguing that stables are "penned environments" where animals are incarcerated against their will.
"I have no opinion about elves or candy canes," he muttered.
Signs declaring "Free the Bethlehem 2" began to appear, referring to the obviously exploited ass and ox.
Someone else said the halo on Jesus' head was elitist.
Mary was exasperated. "And what about you, old mother?" she said sharply to an elderly woman. "Are you here to attack the shepherds as prison guards for excluded species, maybe to complain that singing in Latin identifies us with our Roman oppressors, or just to say that I should have skipped patriarchal religiosity and joined some dumb new-age goddess religion?"
"None of the above," said the woman, "I just wanted to tell you that the Magi are here."
Sure enough, the three wise men rode up. The crowd gasped, "They're all male! And not very multicultural!"
"Balthasar here is black," said one of the Magi.
"Yes, but how many of you are gay or disabled?" someone shouted.
A committee was quickly formed to find an impoverished lesbian wise-person among the halt and lame of Bethlehem.
A calm voice said, "Be of good cheer, Mary, you have done well and your son will change the world."
"At last, a sane person," Mary thought. She turned to see a radiant and confident female face.
The woman spoke again: "There is one thing, though. Religious holidays are important, but can't we learn to celebrate them in ways that unite, not divide? For instance, instead of all this business about 'Gloria in excelsis Deo,' why not just 'Season's Greetings'?"
Mary said, "You mean my son has entered human history to deliver the message, 'Hello, it's winter'?"
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Thought for the Day:
"Dear Lucy, you are terribly right, but what you say is not limited to the Palestinans. The healthy core, the elites of all European, all "Aryan" nations are basically suffering the same way the poor Palestinians do, with their children dying before they are born, and with their Lebensraum shrinking for the sake of the entire world - victims of the New World Order.
"This is German Christmas, and I have shed tears, weeping for my Volk and for my Vaterland.
"The struggle must go on."
(Letter to the Zundelsite from Germany in response to "Lucy's Christmas Letter", ZGram December 22, 2000)