There has been quite some heated debate in various newsgroups and private circles about the existence/non-existence of political conspiracies.
Many people believe in them with fervor and have a tendency to watch for them and see them everywhere revealed, verified, or proven. The Conspiracy Buffs' postures are often embedded in experience - some being former government agents or employees. They'll tell you that they know whereof they speak - that serious conspiracies exist.
On the other hand, there are the Conspiracy Deniers. They scoff and point a finger. They ridicule, deride and mock. These Doubters speak with Thomas Corwin: "If you would succeed in life, you must be solemn, solenm as an ass. All great monuments are built over solemn asses."
Such a one, a well-known cyber skeptic, sent me the following:
"Whatever you are doing, drop it right now -- unless it is a baby. I have obtained some shocking information regarding our national security, and it's information I am going to reveal to you now despite the chilling fact that, by revealing it, I am placing myself in personal peril of winning a Pulitzer Prize.
"The information concerns some alarming military research currently being conducted by a foreign power that represents the greatest single security threat to the United States as measured not only by the magnitude of the physical danger, but also by the number of Celine Dione records.
"That's right: I am referring to Canada. As you may recall, last year I urged the United States to declare war on Canada over the issue of toilet smuggling. In the United States, we have a federal law, enacted by Congress, requiring that new consumer toilets be limited to 1.6 gallons of water per flush. There is an excellent reason for this law: Congress has the brains of an eggplant.
"Canada flagrantly disobeys this law on the grounds that -- get this for a legal technicality -- it is a foreign country. In Canada, anybody, including convicted felons and underage children, can walk into any toilet store and purchase a 3.5-gallon-per-flush toilet and the authorities do nothing.
"As I reported, some of these toilets are finding their way across the border into the United States. And what is our government doing? It is shooting cruise missiles at the Balkans, where people don't even have toilets.
"When are we as a nation going to wake up and recognize the real threat to our security? No doubt you are aware that just recently, in our nation's capital, some highly strategic cherry trees were deliberately chewed by saboteur beavers. Ask yourself this: "Where do beavers come from?" The Balkans? No!
"Beavers come from Canada, and they take their orders from Canada and nobody else, as you know if you have ever tried to get one to fetch a ball.
"And now, as if we didn't have enough reasons to declare war on Canada, comes word of chilling research being conducted by the Canadian military.
"I have a news article from the Canadian Press written by Dennis Bueckert and sent to me by an undercover agent in Canada named Lauren Leighton, M.D. This article, about a new Canadian armed forces program, contains the following chilling sentence, which I swear I am not making up:
"'An elite unit at National Defence headquarters is actively studying whether to proceed with the development of the world's first combat bra.'
"You read that correctly: The Canadian military is working on a combat brassiere.
"How can we, the American public, remain sanguine in the face of this news? Especially since we do not really know what "sanguine" means? How can we sit back and do nothing when an increasingly hostile, beaver-infested, big-toilet nation spends $184 million on a program to develop a high-tech futuristic assault undergarment?
"How would you feel if you were an American soldier guarding our northern border and were equipped with only a conventional bra -- the basic design of which has not changed significantly since the Korean War -- knowing that at any moment some elite Canadian troops could be charging across the No Person's Land toward you and that the first sight you would see, a sight that would strike terror in the heart of even the most hardened combat veteran, would be the Cones of Doom?
"So I'm urging you to write to your congressperson now and tell him or her that you want the United States to launch a massive federal program to match Canada's military undergarment research.
"Please keep your letter dignified. Do not lower yourself to cheesy wordplay such as 'support your troops' or 'stay abreast of our enemies' or 'check out the Balkans on that lieutenant.'
"(The above is slightly abbreviated to save my fingertips)"
Thought for the Day on this spectacularly sunny California Saturday morning:
"Laughter is the sunshine of the mind."